Over the years a lot has changed around me. Relationships, value and the things I invest my time into. Sometimes I wonder what really happen to it all. What made everything change? How did everything turn out like this? I grew up in a very Christian environment as a child, many would say I was “programmed to think a certain way”, but in reality I wasn’t. Those that know my character closely know that I rebel against everything, and question the intentions and statistics of everything cause I have always had a hunger for truth. Many people would tell me there was something wrong with me, tell me that I was in deobedience towards God because of my “rebellion”. In all honesty, my rebellion has fueled by my desire to truly understand who God is - or if he even exists.

Years of walking in and out of hundreds of churches, seeing a lot of different things, the good, bad and ugly of life. My understanding of who God was didn’t come until I was in a place that was completely opposite of my own plans in life. Around the age of 18 I heard God’s voice and personally experienced him in ways I was trying to ignore at the time but something kept me in a state of grace. Towards the fall after high school, in my constant battles with logic and understanding, I threw my hands up and begged God for something real. And real is exactly what I got in that moment.

Since then my eyes were becoming open to an idea of God that no one had ever taught me before in my life. God began to teach things about freedom and compassion that was completely impossible to the people around me. I remember one summer walking down the street in this city. I had never felt so small in my entire life. As I was dwarfed by all the buildings around me. It was in that moment that I felt how big God really is and how I had belittled him in my mind. As I continued to walk down the streeting I was fighting tears. I saw a woman on the corner asking for money for the bus, I stood and watched, realizing that God cares for that person just as much as he does for me. My heart shattered when people walked by without acknowledging her, as she utters the words “no one even knows I’m alive, no one cares…” I never felt so crushed my life. I walked up and gave her all the money in my pocket which was only but a dollar. She looks at me, “God bless your soul”. As turned and walked, I began sobbing. I never had seen such humility and grace in someones eyes before. All the times I was so arrogant, all the times I was so full of me, someone else was dying.

I never forgot the things God had taught me that summer. So much so God was telling me to remove things from my life that many thought were “godly” things. As time progressed my life fell apart internally. Everything I had thought I wanted was taken from me. Some of the people I trusted the most, had turned their backs to me. On the outside I lost everything, but in God’s eyes it was the beginning of life.

I began working in the real world, wandering outside the walls of the church to explore this new path. Several jobs I worked after my time in ministry, I hated every one of them. Yet God had other plans. There was so much grace on my life at that time, new people that invested so much information in me about life, business and the reality of culture. God began to reveal all he was teaching me through that season.

During these years in Louisiana I have seen far more than I thought I would have. I have experienced things things no one should experience. I have had things spoken over my life that I knew weren’t of God, regardless of the source. At first, sometimes things never make sense in life. 2011 was that year for me, nothing made sense. I made plans for my life, I made plans to leave Baton Rouge, yet God has me in his hand. In the last few weeks I have grown cold towards american mediocrity. I’m so over the cliché. I have visited many cities, churches, bars, conferences….yet nothing can quench this thirst I have. Nothing comes close to knowing God.

There’s no drink, that will quench.
There’s no relationship that can fill it.
There’s no church that has “it”.
There’s not a bar that can make you feel it.
There’s no food that can stop the hunger.
There’s no amount of sex that will suffice.
There’s no high that can heal the pain.
There’s not a human out there that will bring wholeness.
There’s not a song out there to help.
There’s nothing out there to make me happy.
There’s nothing out there to live for.
But God.

I’m a horrible person. I struggles with my language, I struggle reading the word. Sometimes I drink one more than I should. There’s times I should love and not hate. I’m an ugly human. Far from perfection and where I want to be. But God. His kindness and love for me is what keeps me at my knees. I’m growing sick though…

I’m sick of modern day Christianity.
I’m sick of culture telling us what to think.
I’m sick of the materialism.
I’m sick of culture defining our values.
I’m sick of the productions.
I’m sick of culture dictating how we live.
I’m sick of people not getting it.
I’m sick of culture confusing our beliefs.
I’m sick of society making God out to be so small.
I’m sick of culture compressing God’s vast identity.
I’m sick of the fame.
I’m sick of culture defining our relationships.
I’m sick of people settling for less.
I’m sick of culture making mediocrity normal.
I’m sick of people bring so broken inside.
I’m sick of culture influencing church.
I’m sick of loosing relationships to self destruction.
I’m sick of culture deciding what is right and wrong.
I’m sick of a delusional reality.
I’m so sick.

Everyday I met people and interact with people that have so much more to live for. They have so much God wants to do in them. Sometimes I can’t even see the person in front of me, I just see the person God destined them to be. I see faces everyday with loss of hope, I see the broken pasts of ones who try to hide from people. I see the value behind the broken smile. There’s so much potential in people. I truly  love people. I want to help people discover that. Isnt that why we are all here? To bring value to life around us? To show people how much they matter, and how much more purpose they have with Jesus. The real Jesus, not this cartoon character in a fairy tale culture makes him out to be. The real Jesus…

The Jesus who moved me to Louisiana.
The Jesus who changed my perspective on life.
The Jesus who sees value not debt.
The Jesus who didn’t let me die in all those hospital beds.
The Jesus who loved me in my weakness.
The Jesus who turned my depression into promise.
The Jesus who never forgot me.
The Jesus who never rejected me.
The Jesus who allows me to live.
The Jesus who saved me from my plans.
The Jesus who brought those back to life.
The Jesus who loved me despite my many sins.
The Jesus who said He would be there in my weakness.
The Jesus who died just to know me personally.
The Jesus who gives forgiveness when it doesn’t make sense.
The Jesus who said He would not forsake me.
The Jesus who said He would be my freedom.
The Jesus who is faithful to the unfaithful.

Honestly. I just want more of God. I want to feel him all the time. I want to him to be tangible to through me. I just want people to feel who he really is. I wish everyone felt the comradery that He brings. Jesus is so much more than a list of “rules”. To many He is that woman on the corner if you would notice. He just wants you to notice Him, talk with Him, walk with Him, be with Him. If He isn’t real I’m thoroughly convinced there’s nothing real to live for. 

What I would give to sit in front of him in silence face to face.
It’s the only thing that keeps me alive.
One day.

Sometimes you can forget about the world around you. People and faces become like routine and you can miss some of the biggest opportunities of your life by passing up that strangers face. Life is full of misunderstood promises, some we’ve been told our entire lives and others are handed to us on a silver plate.

Most of the greatest moments I’ve had in my life have been with complete strangers. People I’ve known for just a few hours and all the sudden you get that urge to take a risk on something crazy.

These risks have taken me to New Orleans, others as far Florida, yet some have been small and only to the top of the world.

From this view I can see everything. I see life, and all the problems in it. I see the opportunity of love inside the broken hearts. Tonight was stale, with the vampires around, feeding off the life of those who have stale eyes. Most would conclude that tonight was something of a waste, while others find the potential for life. Disappointment crept in my soul as those who have lost a loved one. Didn’t know if I had watched the death of someone, or whether I was just being opened to the reality of solitude.

Just a few days ago, I found myself starring into an abyss of those who can’t see their value in front of them. Anxious now, I sit and watch the reality of how precious life really is. We can get so caught up in the mediocre, so drowned by the misery of our broken misery. How can this be life for so many people?

If we sit and think about how small we are in comparison to how big the circumference of the earth is, we grow to realize the value of life. Even though we are so small, the impact that can be made on the strangers around us could open the doors for new life. When was the last time you took a risk on a stranger? I think how many times I’ve passed people up and never said a word. Who knows those people could have changed my life.

Take a risk. You never know what could happen. You never know what someone else is going through. Stop, observe and listen. You might be the miracle someone needs today.

Today has been one of those days that you never think would come, a lot of things manifest at one moment… Things you never thought would talk about with a stranger, things you never thought you would experience with a stranger… and yet the depths of you is poured out in such a vulnerable moment… There are those strangers in life that change you, they captured you at the core of your being. Suffocating the breathe of your blood into the heart of overwhelming compassion… To day was a day of the most peculiar events, after the insanity of hours and the complacency of the uncomforted, I question whether we live a life that is truly worth living. Do you live in an order that provokes people to live a more just life, or meaningful at that. There been some new people walk in to my life. I question the authenticity of the core of who they are but strangely enough Im completely comfortable with their spirit. Sometimes in life we live in false reality of life, misunderestimating the value of life around us and the hope that each of us brings forth to the world. What if we as a singluar person could help change that matter, what if one person could change the course of history as we knew it, what if the impossiblility of your dreams became your life. Would you change they way you lived? What’s holding you back? You afriad to be honest? In order to get something you have never had you must do something that you have never done before.

THE  P R E L U D E.

Been in an awesome place.
Lost between reality and delusion.
Excited about the future.
Unprocessed happiness and raw honesty.
Yet thrilled about the opportunity of this growth.

THE  S T O R Y.

Monday around 12, a stranger walks into the store. Something intriguingly different about his spirit. Little words were exchanged at first, yet I was curious about his story. After some customers left the store, he approaches the counter and asks a few things about the store. So I seized the opportunity to engage conversation. Next thing I realized three hours have pasted, and I haven’t gotten bored in conversation. He begins to share personal things about his past and what brought him to Baton Rouge. He struggles, his pain, and his compassion for the people he loves.

Around this time he mentioned he had work that day at 5:15. Thinking he would leave around 4 to go get ready, we continued to talk until 5:10 about life, music, art, and the awesome experiences we have had in life. Right before he left I invited to come hang out with me and a friend of mine later that night and he was excited about.

He leaves, and the only thought in my head - “what are the odds” - little did I know this was just the beginning. He invites me to his restaurant for a meal on him. In the process of going I run into some awesome mutual I had from my past that opened so many doors. Around 9 he gets off work and we decide to go to a movie. While sitting in the theater during the trailers my phone goes off and its a close friend of mine who decides to come join us. It was a cool experience sitting in between two people one who knows everything about you, and another who you’ve known for several hours.

After the movie the adventures begin: from Coffee Call to exploring downtown buildings, to Waffle House and then New Orleans. Who would have thought such a surreal memory would have been made from this stranger walking into work just earlier that day.

THE  A F T E R M A T H.

What sheer breath of insanity would it take you to drop everything and take a risk? Would you stick to your routine or take a chance on an adventure?
Somethings in life are worth it and some aren’t. Yet as humans there are so many things we miss out on due to the fear of being just a little insane. A friend the other day told in the lobby of my church, “one are the most rejected person in this church, but for some reason people love you - who knows if you will ever fit in.” I laughed.

Whether we ever fit the mold that our surrounding society wants us to be, or not, doesn’t matter. We live and will die with our accountability solely between us and the one who created us. The people around you will not be there when you die and then stand alone in front of your reality. Take a chance on life, take a chance on a stranger and listen to their story - cause at the end of the day someone else might be more misunderstood than you are. Those 21 hours with a stranger and close friend will always be remembered as some of the most eye opening and euphoric moments of my life. What do you say to taking chances?